Life Turned Upside Down

 

May 17, 2010 is not a day I will ever forget.

11 weeks away from completing the Nurse Practitioner Program after 2 gruelling years...I am driving back from a day of classes in Hamilton. I decided to check the messages on our home phone to see if there was any news from my doctor with results of my breast biopsy that had been done on May 6th. That is when I heard the message from my doctor asking if I could come in the next day. My heart began pounding a million miles a minute and I thought my stomach was going to jump out of my mouth. I began to shake. I knew immediately that it was not good news. I eventually managed to speak with someone at the doctor's office and was told that the doctor wanted to see me in person as the results were 'a little confusing'...Not reassuring at all.

I am usually a very patient person but I knew that there was NO chance that I would be able to wait until tomorrow to see my doctor without losing my mind first. My doctor kindly agreed (in retrospect, I don't know that I gave her much choice...) to see me as soon as I got back in to town. I can tell you that 45 minute drive from Shelburne was the longest (and possibly not the safest) drive of my life...in fact it is now a complete blur. I called Tim who agreed to come straight to the doctors office with Luke. I will never forget it...we walked into her office, there were 2 chairs set up and a teddy bear for Luke. A nice gesture yes, but helpful no! No words were needed. I just knew.

It is odd - I think we all know how prevalent cancer is in our society and I am sure that we've all wondered or suspected that at some point we might be touched by the cancer stick but it is crazy how nothing can ever prepare you for how awful it is to hear the words...or in my case not hearing the words 'your biopsy was fine'.

Within a matter of minutes - our life was turned upside down....and from there the journey began. The next few days were also a complete blur - I oscillated between some very dark and gloomy places to much brighter and stronger moments where I felt like I could conquer the world and all the challenges that get thrown at me. There was not a lot of sleep, there were a lot of tears and generally I think it is pretty to safe to say that my entire family was in a complete state of shock and disbelief (oh - and for me there were also several ativan chucked in for good measure!)...having lost our mom to breast cancer 17years ago...it was definitely my family's big unspoken fear that this ugly bugger would rear it's head again.

So...there it is. It is out there. I have breast cancer - yuk.

I have decided to do this blog to help keep you all informed of how things are going and it will also help me keep track of this crazy ride. 'Blogging' is certainly new to me - but then so is having cancer so bare with me while I figure it all out!!!!